Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
