They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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