all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
