She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
