In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
