even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
