Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
