My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
