and she was petting her beer can
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
