His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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