as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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