Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
