I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
