Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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