weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I puked a lego.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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