Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I wish I only lived at night.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
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