I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
