yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We got so high we made milksteak
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
