Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
