I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
