Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
