I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
