My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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