Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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