And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize