We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I can't turn off my feet"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
