a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
