dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize