Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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