I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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