how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
