the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
