Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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