all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
This is the high leading the old right now
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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