i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
