dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
