and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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