I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
