if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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