Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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