ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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