i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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