party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
