Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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