All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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