i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
