Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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