She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
