You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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