He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
