"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
