my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize