I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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