it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
