if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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