I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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