I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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