Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
