hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
