is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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