and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
