You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
