You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
