so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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