Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Me too!
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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