Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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