My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
