Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
