i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She announced her abortion via fbk
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
