I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Come see our sink grown plant.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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