So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
