Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Duck Duck Cougar?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
