Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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