Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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