I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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