Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
