This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
