omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
