Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
