I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
