the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
