fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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