Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
