I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
