Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Randomize
