I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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