My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize
