I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
