Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
And then he peed in my hair
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