you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
