Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
