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i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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