she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
