I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
When did we convert life to cartoon?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize