What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize