There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
