1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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