Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
