i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
