Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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