Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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