I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
