every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
