saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
