Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
