ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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