Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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