whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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