you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
