apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
